Christmas Eve. I had to pack a diaper bag for the first time. I had an idea of what went inside. I had no idea how to pack it.

Short stacks of diapers, swaddles, burp cloths, spare clothes, toys, ointments, wipes, bottles, and pacifiers covered the dining room table. An empty diaper bag sat in the chair next to me. I put my arm over the back of the chair, stared at the bag, then the gear, and back to the bag. I asked it What do you need? What goes where? The bag did not answer.

Laptop. YouTube. Hours of content. Hundreds of answers. Lies. Clickbait. Every single link. I do not care about your love for the new spearmint colorway. I do not care how it matches your Stanley or pops against the interior of your car. Someone tell me what goes in the bag and in what order.

Tested over several months, here’s everything that went in our bag (a medium Dagne Dover),1 packed from bottom to top:

  • Diapers. Ten freshies. (Inside back pocket.)
  • Swaddles. Two muslin swaddles.
  • Burp cloths. Three muslin burp cloths.
  • Clothes. Two backup outfits. Onesies and PJs pack the best.2
  • Changing mat. Our bag came with one.
  • Bottles. Two clean bottles. Comotomo bottles worked great at home but took up too much space in the diaper bag.
  • Milk. Stored in a Boon Frosh portable chiller.
  • Formula. Two to four servings packed as backup. Started with liquid formula bottles, then moved to a formula dispenser.
  • Portable bottle warmer.3 The most critical piece of gear outside of a car seat and stroller.
  • Wipes. Full-size package. Travel-sized packages ran out constantly.
  • Pacifiers. Two in the front pocket.
  • Teether. One in the front pocket.
  • Diaper cream. One “butt stick” in an outside pocket.
  • Hand sanitizer. One travel-sized dispenser in an outside pocket.
  • Laundry bag. Stored in an outside pocket. Bag came with one.

That’s it. (It’s a lot.)

Other Notes.

Facebook Marketplace. Shop it for gear and baby clothes. Give yourself enough time, and you’ll find steals on everything. Most lightly used. We picked up a used Doona and new Uppababy travel stroller for more than half off. The gear gets beat up fast, and spare change finds uses elsewhere, like food delivery.

Food delivery gift certificates. Put gift certificates for Uber Eats4 at the top of your registry. Dinner time was and continues to be the hardest part of the day. Enough coffee powers you through the morning after a sleepless night. Sunlight and circadian rhythm carry you through lunch. At sunset, you need to make dinner (almost too much to think about) and clean up (way too much to think about). All little pieces of energy you’d rather take into the long night waiting for you. We spent a lot of money on food delivery. All worth it.

1 If I were to do it over, I’d get a large.

2 Pack ones with two-way zippers. Stay away from buttons and snaps.

3 Ronan refused to drink cool/tepid bottles. (Still does.) We’d be lost without this thing.

4 Or whatever your preferred platform is.